This post is by Kat Newport our guest in episode 303 video and audio. Kat spoke about handling, managing and resolving conflict in the workplace and personal relationships.

Ever feel like your reactions in a conflict are on autopilot? Turns out, our brains are like fortune-tellers, predicting the future based on our past experiences. This article dives into the idea that our brain’s predictions, often rooted in the past, play a huge role in how we handle conflicts. Understanding this can be a game-changer for managing, avoiding, or resolving clashes in our lives.

The Brain’s Crystal Ball

• Emotional Rollercoaster: When things get heated, our brains sometimes go rogue, letting emotions take the wheel. It happens because our brain looks back on past experiences to guess what might happen next, even if the present situation is different.
• Expecting the Expected: The brain loves predicting outcomes—it’s like a personal crystal ball. This process, called predictive coding, influences how we feel and act now based on what has happened to us before.

Conflict and Time-Traveling Predictions

• Conflict Fireworks: Ever notice a small disagreement turning into World War III? That’s the brain predicting based on past blowouts, gearing up for a fight.

Tip for Conflict Survival: Pause. Breathe. Check if your brain is replaying past dramas. Respond to what’s happening now, not what you think might happen next.

• Duck and Cover: If your brain expects conflict to end badly, it might nudge you to dodge it altogether. This avoidance tactic, rooted in past discomfort, can stunt your personal and professional growth.

Tip for Avoiding Drama: Challenge your brain’s predictions. Ask if this situation is really a replay of the past or a chance for a different outcome. Embrace the awkward—it might lead to a breakthrough.

• Resolution Roadblocks: Predicting a crash at the end of a conflict journey? Your brain might sabotage the resolution process, making it harder to approach the issue with an open mind.

Tip for Conflict Resolution: Rewrite the script. Instead of predicting failure, focus on the positives—better understanding, stronger connections. Past challenges? They’re just stepping stones.

How to Break Free from Past Predictions

• Mindful Magic: Be present in conflict moments. Mindfulness lets you watch your reactions without rushing to judge, giving you space to question if they’re rooted in the past or the here and now.
• History Check: Look back at your past conflict greatest hits. Recognize situations where your brain’s predictions called the shots. Understanding these patterns is key to breaking free.
• Talk It Out: Encourage open conversations in conflicts. Create a safe space where everyone can speak up, reducing the impact of past predictions. It’s like hitting the reset button.
• Emotion Taming Tricks: Learn tricks to handle your emotions. Whether it’s deep breathing or a quick mental getaway, mastering these tricks can help you rein in those emotional storms.

Our brains are history buffs, constantly replaying past scenes to predict the future. In the realm of conflict, realizing this can be a game-changer. By understanding that your reactions are often predictions based on past experiences, you can hit pause, reshape your responses, and bring harmony to the present. Whether you’re dealing with a conflict, sidestepping it, or seeking resolution, the power lies in being aware, reflecting, communicating openly, and mastering the art of emotional balance. So, as you navigate the twists and turns of conflict, remember—you have the power to rewrite the script and create a more peaceful present and future.

Kat Newport, an Associate Certified Coach (ACC), and Certified Change Practitioner (CCP) is the Founder of Oculus Inc. and author. With a passionate mission to harness conflict as a catalyst for growth and innovation, Kat empowers individuals and organizations to thrive. Her charismatic approach, rooted in the values of authenticity, resiliency, and momentum, specializes in leadership and conflict management, creating lasting positive impact on all collaborators. Kat boasts national director-level leadership in quality assurance, project management and organizational development, shaping comprehensive training programs and individually coaching transforming countless leaders. 

http://www.smartconflictbook.com/